One Life: How I want to live it

I have decided to write this post because if I don't do it now, I would never will. A series of events have triggered me to write this post. And there are actually many topics i would really love to write about. But I have been pretty busy lately, hustling hard and making my life as meaningful as possible.

This post is going to be about the clarity of my life I have gained in these 3 months after NS. A short update is that I have been on trips to Malaysia, Korea and Bali in those months, and an upcoming trip to Bangkok in May. The rest of this post is all my honest thoughts and opinions, and if you are reading, I hope it impacts you in one way or another :)

A wake-up call

So just very recently, a female JC junior whom we follow each other on insta passed away due to a tragic car accident. She got killed while 3 other NUS students suffered serious injuries. This incident really triggered my thoughts and emotions about my life; it was a scary wake-up call of how fragile life can be, and even how unfair it can seem. A young, kind, capatable19 years old single-child who has bright future ahead of her got taken away from the world in a blink of an eye, and that instant I felt it could happen to me too. I did read about articles before about near deaths and how it changed their life's perspectives, but it never felt this real. What cringed me even more was she only just recently before her passing wrote for an assignment of the feelings and thoughts she would have in her own funeral if left that world at that time.

Death is something we think that only happens as we age many many years older, and we often take the life we have now for granted. It made me more strongly feel that I have this one life and I should not live a life of regrets. I should be grateful that I am able to live, even normally, every single day and cherish this one chance I have. I am genuinely thankful to be able to be a human in this world.

There are friends who rather be born as other animals due to to the various sufferings they perceive as a human. However, such complaints, negativity and dwellings will not change a single thing, and will only serve to make your life much less meaningful. Do you know how many other people are in a much worse state than you in other parts of the world? If you think that you have a lot of problems in your life, just think about how someone who wants to live un-deservingly got her life taken away from her - is that problem big enough (for that person)?

I thought to myself: If I leave the world now, would i have regrets? I would say yes. Because I have so much more I want to achieve, so much more I want to impact people around me, so much more i want to do for the world. So I told myself, there should never be a day i live a life i will regret. And at least if i pass away, I will leave peacefully, knowing well myself that I have done whatever I needed and wanted, and tried my best to live a fulfilling life i want.

I have actually thought of my own eulogy; what people would say about me at my funeral if i leave the world, and wrote them down, That was during NS when I was reading a book called 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and was at the topic of 'Beginning with the end in mind'. It suggested that simple exercise to really trigger my right brain and truly think what kind of life i want to lead. I figured what i would want people to say about me, and what is my kind of  fulfilling life

Purpose and meaning of life

There is this quote by Picasso which i sincerely believe: "The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose if your life is to give it away". What this means is you have to consciously try different things to know what your strengths are, and with your strength in whichever area (like writing, educating/motivating, kindness), you contribute to society and the world with that talent you have.

For me personally, I have reflected hard about my entire life and thought what is really my meaning and purpose, what will truly be a fulfilling life for me, and what kind of life excites me. And I have realised, I greatly enjoy improving and impacting people's lives emotionally and in terms of personal development. I want people to remember me for not of what I did or I said, but of how i made them feel. I have carefully thought out of my strengths and hopefully am right. I know i am not a highly intelligent being. I know that if i worked hard for my entire life for someone's else dream, and not mine, I know i will definitely regret life.

Months ago I figured I had to achieve financial freedom to do whatever I want. However if the sole purpose of doing whatever I want is just to make myself happy, I don't think I would measure that as true success and happiness. Ultimately, we can die and leave the world; but to live forever, we leave a legacy and impact in people's lives and generations to come.

I know it was a huge step for me to gain this enlightenment. This may seem all airy and fairy. But in the end, I genuinely feel that is the meaning and fulfilment in my life i would desire.

However, to be able to even help others, I have to help myself first. If I am financially unstable, there is only so much impact I can have on people around me, because according to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, there physiology and safety needs have to always be met first, before accomplishing self-actualisation/self-fulfilment needs.

Many people haven't realise that the amount of money that are given to you/earned, reflects the amount of value you have contributed to the world. To create wealth is to create value for people. You can contribute to a society by working as an accountant in  helping to analyse accounting information which eventually help a company function and do its job of providing value to the world. That is your role and contribution as an accountant, albeit pretty indirect in terms of to society. Of course that is plainly from your job itself, and not you as a person.

It has dawned on me that I want to achieve something greater in life. I believe that if someone who started from the bottom and is able to rise and become an influential wealthy figure who impacts the world, I don't see why am i not able to do so, especially starting as average and in this wonderful era of modernisation. I am super blessed to be able to live in this century. I have this one life to lead, and I want to make it great in my terms, because I believe I can, and I will.

As a result of this clarity in the direction of my life, people close to me would know I am not messing around, and no one should try to stop me. Initially my plan in university was to have lots and lots of fun, because I only live young once, and I have been dedicating my entire past school life a lot into academics, and hence missed out on opportunities of social life as well as relationships. However, I am clear now that yes i will have my piece of fun in university, but not too much unnecessary fun. Ultimately I want to gain a head start through uni. Everything I do should have a purpose. If I want to play, I play hard. If I want to work, I hustle hard for myself and goals, and work smart with passion. And I want to practise mindfulness starting from now onwards.

This head start is very important to me because I may not live well past 30; anything can happen. And I know that if I want to live a life unlike just everyone else, I need to work unlike anyone else. Dreams have a price to pay. Stifling your ambitions and dreams have a price to pay too. And dreams don't work unless you do.

So what have been involving myself so far?

I have been doing various sales jobs where i hustle to the streets and approach random strangers, and dealing with countless of rejections. Rejections are indeed very scary. And uncomfortable. I knew I have to master the art of dealing with rejections if I want to be successful, as proven by the blueprints of many successful figures. I wanted to improve my communication and persuasion skills. The money earned can be as little as $2/h, and can make you hit a new low of self-doubt and uncertainty. At the end of the day, I would say I felt it made me grow as a person, and I have no regrets :)

I have also been trying earn money through teaching tuition and going event jobs, so that I can fund my everyday life and overseas trips, and driving lessons. I work out thrice a week, and been going weekly frisbee trainings, because that's where I feel most at ease and where my interests lie. I have been to business and personal development talks to enrich myself and my mind. I have also been busy studying and taking financial advisory exams, a field I am exploring now.

The last hustle which not many people know is I am working on creating a watch brand with a friend in these months, to start out in this entrepreneurship journey and experience, and more than that, with a vision to create a movement of people taking action and live a life in their own terms, with purpose and meaning. It is not going to be easy, and it has never been easy. I faltered many times. But I know that I have to fail early, fail often and fail forward.

Lastly, I just want to share how the values of empathy and gratitude have tide me through life, and improved the life of myself immensely as well as for my family. Conversations with them have become different. I count my blessings everyday. And as hard as it is to internalise, gratitude is the core of happiness. I sincerely hope my friends will learn to be more grateful, and live a more meaningful life :)

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My NS Experience

The time has finally come to ORD, and I have long awaited for this moment, which feels surreal. I have always wanted to pen down my reflections of my whole experience and document my learnings over the 2 years. I am actually grateful for my entire pathway in NS - from a xiong BMT coy to gaining entry to the most welfare OCS training wing to a vocation of my choice and finally an appointment that I'm most suited for (and of course being the reserve). To me this is the best I can get because I was able to meet many wonderful people in service and pro term, use some brain in my vocation, do a lot a lot of PT with my battery everyday, and I did not have to fight ATEC. Although I did not get to stay out like some other officers or have a very fun culture in my unit, I still feel my perspective allow me to appreciate my journey more and I definitely had no regrets going through what I have been through. 

Invaluable friendships

The best takeaway from NS is definitely the people I met who positively influenced my thoughts and actions towards a better direction. There were solid leaders I could learn leadership skills from. 

One of the most respectable guy I met is actually Moses who was a president scholar and came back to complete OCS after his masters. His EQ, wisdom and maturity really gave me a lot of perspectives and insights into handling things in life. A truly genuine person who will go very far in life. Fun fact I'm going to his wedding next month haha. 

Then there are many others too who introduced to me entrepreneurship and investing, and got me interested into pursuing them. I am actually blessed to have such people like Richmond, Linus, Kar Aik, Shawn and a few others who inspired me to a clearer direction in life. Initially I was actually quite lost after commissioning, and I really wanted to do something meaningful. Conversations with such people naturally would draw me into similar things. I first started out reading self help books and along the way my focus changed, from personal development to investing to workout and nutrition to crypto and finally to entrepreneurship. These 6 months allowed me to discover myself more and explore many things. Richmond's drive and hustle during his adversities clearly inspired me to dream bigger and pursue similar things, and I truly respect how he rose from his circumstances. Linus who always annoy me in the past is also a close bro I made; as well as Kar Aik whom I got closer to towards the end after discovering similar interests and mindsets. 

Of course there were fun friends like Haesan who stays near me and always give me a lift, and Boo Zon my favourite gym buddy, and we 3 along with Richmond are going to NUS Business together (yay). 

Discovering meaning

It is no doubt NS has given me a wonderful opportunity to discovering my purpose and meaning in life. Being put into a working environment before entering uni gave me a greater clarity as to what I want to pursue in life. We were able to change our courses 3 times before entering uni, unlike the girls who just had to pursue what they feel they would like to do in the future as a career, where most were not very clear on what they actually want to really pursue in the future. 

NS has taught me that working with people in the office is not easy, together with the politics, and further reaffirms my desire to not work for anyone who has a 'control' of my life in the future. These 2 'gap years' allowed me to try explore different interests with no repercussions. After working hours the time is entirely mine and I could do whatever I want unlike school where you have to be concerned with your homework. Like the corporate working life, this is essentially similar where if you dread work and always look forward to after-office hours and weekends, you will essentially be finding ways to relax and have fun, or to relieve stress. 

We were able to experience receiving monthly pay checks and handling our own finances. Like most of the working population, I spent my money on 'good food' after work and on entertainment over the weekends. Drinking or clubbing became close to a weekly affair since OCS days. I then realised that money should not be spent this way and in the future if I act this way, I would just be like any other adult stuck in the rat race trying to pay off debts for my whole life. I would be living life aimlessly.  And thus, it got me into pursing financial knowledge, reading books like Rich Dad Poor Dad (a highly recommended 1st book to read) and Fastlane to Millionaire which gave me hugely different perspectives towards life. Schools actually never taught us how to handle our money, but only work for money, when in our entire life we are actually handling money. That, to me, is super scary. It made me yearn for knowledge of making money work for me instead. 

Hence, nearing to my ORD, I gained enlightenment on what I wanted to pursue in life, after attending a course and speaking to an interviewer. I knew I wanted financial freedom - to freely do whatever I want, like travelling, reading, talking to people, writing, working out, photography, making videos, Ultimate Frisbee, helping people etc - which essentially means I have to remove money from the equation in my life as early as possible so money will no longer be a restricting or worrying factor for me. In essence, I want to be able to do what I am passionate about, and whatever work that is won't then be 'work' to me. 

“You'll never achieve real success unless you like what you're doing.” 

Discovering my weaknesses

I knew I had many weaknesses to work on. And I was actually thankful that I got to be the Cadet Course Commander (albeit too long, for like 3 months+ -.-) to learn about my greatest flaws in leading people as well as communication skills. I had no guidance as to what is the right way to lead, and I had to reflect and discover myself what would work better and what don't. 

As a commissioned officer, shit got real. Gone were days where mistakes were just mistakes to be scolded for. One mistake and you sign 7 extra duties minimally, no matter how 'small' it is. Yes donning the black bar grants you more privilege and authority, but that comes heavy responsibilities too. In the unit life, it is not like BMT where the black bars are the gods. Respect is not granted but earned. There politics you have to deal with too. Being a 1 bar NSF officer can be the worst, as you have to manage and give in to the sergeants and man under you, but also deal with the expectations and management of the regulars. It is a struggle to make ends meet, with both ends having different expectations. In the eyes of NSFs, 'we are just NSFs'. To the regulars, 'we are just NSFs' too. Both which we are not taught so in training school. 

I had problems working with people under me initially, as my way of doing things were deemed too authoritative and lacking empathy. It was inherent in me that I tend to be that way, and being handicapped by slow learning ability made things worst. I was determined to improve myself and the relationships around me. I began with reading the book "How to win friends and influence people", which was mind-blowing. I learned so much about dealing with people, and realised how I have always been doing wrong the whole time. I would say my efforts paid off in the end as things improved. I have truly learnt that respect is not commanded but earned. People-management, communication and interpersonal skills are definitely one of the key takeaways in NS. 

There were also times of moral and ethical dilemma, where the lines between doing what is right and what is popular gets blurred. It was so was easy to do the wrong things in NS when many are doing it too, where such are condoned but still being done, as long as 'don't get caught'. It definitely was challenging, and it all boils down to being grounded by your principles and accepting whatever ramifications after based on the decisions you make. 

There was a period where I was nearly destroyed. I was devastated. I felt unjust in the punishments meted out. I was one of the most down period in my NS. I felt incompetent, and lousy. I did not know what did I do to deserve that. It made me learn to accept these as challenges in life. In your work life, you also wouldn't be able to choose who you work with or work for. Facing with such in NS made me appreciate the opportunity to deal with this earlier and hence become stronger. I learnt that little mistakes can be 'costly', and that sometimes you just have to suck it up. With everything that happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from going; you get to choose. Thus, I was actually grateful that I got punished. Because I was pushed out of my comfort zone. I grew. I learnt to be optimistic in trying times. Making such mistakes now would only lead to punishments right? But in the outside world, I would probably 'get fired' (I quote someone), right? I learnt how to talk to superiors and subordinates. I became more confident. These episodes have taught me to practise empathy and gratitude (inspired by Gary V), and I have been a happier person since. 

“It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” 

Sign on? 

As much as army pays very well with full scholarships provided, giving you a very financially secure life in the future whilst 'not having to do much', I still would not sign on. My brother was initially close to signing on in the end cancelled his contract, which I only could understand why after having went through NS. 

I feel that army would not be a suitable environment for me to shine and reach my full potential, and it is just not for me. I truly admire those who are passionate in what they do, but it is not that often seen in the army. As much as people who are not passionate in their jobs and are in it just for the money are also present in the corporate world, these people are usually not bounded by contract and can be fired anytime, hence having their livelihood at greater stake. I believe I would do and grow better outside in an environment where they encourage creativity instead of stifling it, and are more forgiving and understanding rather than rigidly imposing and authoritatively demanding. I do understand the rationale of the way the army do things, like having to rule by fear and punishments in order to get people to obey orders; because in time of war, there people under command should obey and fight together as one regardless of how good or bad the decision made was perceived as. 

I firmly believed that learning is in the doing, and it is only from mistakes and failures do we actually learn and grow. However at times punishments will in turn stunt the growth and creativity of people out of fear. Being a slow learner would inevitably mean I would make many mistakes at the start, and to prevent that I would need proper guidance, which more often that not, is not given. Punishment is always the easiest option in correcting things but I feel its the worst way to go about doing things without mutual empathy and reasonable understanding. Hence I do not believe in punishing someone for their mistakes, and instead we should seek to understand and offer encouragements for the betterment of the individual. An exception would be that after numerous times of trying, it might be too tiring to even bother offering so much empathy, and hence a punishment would warrant a correction of attitude. This however would still not solve the root problem. 

“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” 

One of my greatest pet peeves is inefficiency, and it is a well known fact that army can be inefficient. This is due to having to obey the chain of command and for various safety and security reasons to prevent mishaps - which is understandable. Rank triumphs intelligence in any army and thus as long as you have a lower rank, you have to give in and listen to the higher ups, and work with people of all sorts of competence. Hence I would not be able to stand the working environment of such, personally, in my opinion. 

All in all

It all comes down to you on how much you want to make out of the 2 years. Personally I believe everyone should just take a shot and do their best since the 2 years are inescapable. You can't change the 2 years fact but you can change yourself. You can choose to embrace the challenges and become a stronger individual, or avoid the challenges and live an easier life by dodging responsibilities. In my opinion many actually end up wasting their time in NS by sleeping or playing phone games hoping they their book outs and weekends can come faster. Don't count the number of days left but make the number of days left count. Do something productive like utilising the working environment to work on your interpersonal and communication skills, and the free time to work out and self-educate. 

Anyway an interesting to note is that many break-ups occur during NS haha, especially when the guy serves NS while the girl enters uni. From my observation close to 90% of the couples break up during  NS; pretty sad aye. 

Okay tbh I became much more optimistic after NS which is a good thing. The harsh environment did me good. I don't think it is the same for everyone, but I am just thankful I got this experience :) 

Check out this interesting post from LIFT about NS myths debunked :)

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